When I Love You Colonel Sanders! A Finger Lickin’ Good Dating Simulator was announced, I wasn’t too interested, but for some reason I know people who wanted me to play this.

So I decided to make it my Valentine’s Day review and see what this official KFC dating sim was all about.

You play a blank slate protagonist attending a 3-day cooking class. You’re quickly introduced to your best friend, two bullies/rivals, your dog professor, and a few other classmates (including a robot). Then another student walks in: Colonel Sanders, who immediately captures the attention of everyone due to being the most handsome, charming, majestic student ever to grace the halls of the school.

The main reason I wasn’t impressed when the game was announced is because I feel there’s been a trend of “It’s a visual novel, but you’re dating [insert weird/random/unexpected love interest here]!” games that try to capitalize on having such a wacky premise while missing the genuine heart things like Hatoful Boyfriend have.

On one hand, I want to say I Love You Colonel Sanders! is soulless, but on the other hand, it’s so bizarre it does manage to be funny at times simply because there’s no way to predict what might happen next.

It feels like someone took a bunch of romance visual tropes, some anime references, and a dash of random goofiness, and mixed them all up in a pot with Colonel Sanders.

Van Van the Man Man clearly wandered in from a JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure parody.

Half the things that happen in this story make zero sense, and I couldn’t help but feel it was an intentional attempt to parody visual novels where wacky things happen. Colonel Sanders himself is portrayed bizarrely, as the narration is over-the-top in making him out to be nearly superhuman, yet takes a few jabs at him for being narcissistic enough to view himself the same way.

Add in the fact that answering a cooking question wrong can make Colonel Sanders immediately reject you forever, and he isn’t really likable… except that the narration and your protagonist’s thoughts keep claiming he is.

There are choice and multiple endings, as well as several points where you can get a game over. There’s no way to make a manual save (you can open a menu if you find the exact spot on the menu indicator to click, but it doesn’t have a save option), which is frustrating, but there’s an auto-save ahead of each point where you might fail.

I didn’t feel the need to get more than one ending. As a visual novel, I Love You Colonel Sanders! lacks the substance to really be good; as an extended commercial/marketing stunt, it’s amusing enough.