Yes, you read that right. In honor of the holiday season, I decided to kick off this year’s celebrations with the… questionable holiday visual novel Santa’s Big Sack.

You play Rudy Noel, Santa’s new assistant who has just arrived at the North Pole.

He quickly learns that the North Pole has more going on than just toy-making and holiday cheer… like his unexpected attraction to Santa, Mrs. Claus trying to seduce him, and a sinister plot unfolding in the shadows.

In keeping with the Christmas theme, most of your choices are presented as simply “Naughty” or “Nice,” with a helpful explanation ahead of time telling you what actions they’ll lead to.

However, there aren’t really branching paths or multiple routes. It’s a pretty linear story where a few key choices lead to optional sex scenes (with non-explicit imagery but dialogue and screen-shaking to give you the idea) and different dialogue before returning to the main path to continue the story just as if you’d picked the other option.

Santa himself is the main romantic interest. I don’t think there’s any way to not hook up with Santa (which is not a sentence I ever expected to write).

There actually is a bit of a plot here in addition to the romance, but it’s fairly absurd. Don’t expect anything too serious or meaningful, just a goofy story that is so outrageous it does manage to be somewhat funny… and will present you with all the Christmas-themed innuendos you could ask for.

Let me put it this way: if you’re considering playing a visual novel with as questionable a title as Santa’s Big Sack, you probably already know what you’re getting into and that’s what this visual novel will provide. No big story or heartfelt romance, but innuendo-laden antics with Santa Claus and other denizens of the North Pole.

Don’t worry, the next review will be a bit more romantic. In the meantime, feel free to share your own thoughts on Santa’s Big Sack in the comments below!